I am having a big issue today with my own confidence. I know I have just written a small book on how I am getting my life in order, and how I want to be my own person not caring what others think. But it is HARD. Going from the position of constantly caring about what everyone thinks about me, to not paying attention to those thoughts, is like splitting my brain into two personalities and locking them in separate interrogation rooms to play good cop bad cop. It's just impractical. I am not saying that I want to go back to the place I was say the beginning of last semester; but I won't immediately be at the place I want to achieve. That's kinda what makes it a long term goal. lol It will take me some time, and quite a bit of introspection to be able to walk in a room and not wonder what everyone who looks in my direction is wondering.
I had a great conversation with one of my best friends last night; we both wonder what it is that can make people wake up happy in the morning, what is it that has people smiling when they wake up everyday, which keeps them from being phased by all the shit life throws at you on a daily basis. And this morning I had a revelation. This is going to sound cheesy, but the answer is love. Those days that you wake up and remember how much you are loved, are the days you wake up with a smile on your face. The times that I wake up thinking about the people I love and the people who love me, those are the good days. :)
What I am appreciative for: I appreciate everyone who has been putting up with me (for the past few days especially). I know following along with my thought process isn't the most entertaining thing to do in the world, but writing this down helps me to remember all the things I am truly blessed with in this life.
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