Why is Murphy such a dick!?!?!?!?!?!?!

So my bestest bestie has been stalked by Murphy's law for a few year now, she expects him to steal away all of her happiness, but he has taken it too far this time. He has taken the one happiness in her life right now, if I could, I would go back on time and kill Murphy. But I know that wouldn't help anything so I am content with simply cursing his name and helping her work through her pain. God works in mysterious ways and I know that he will one day bless her with a beautiful child of her own, but I know that day will not be anytime soon. we need to heal from this wound before we can expect Murphy to give our Jilly-bean a new joy in life. He is having too much fun causing her pain right now. But I am going to warn you now Murphy, Jillian is tougher than Chuck Norris in a bar of drug lords. She will defeat you, one day, and I, along with all of her friends and family will be by her side as she defeats you.

Hugh Laurie Should be my Husband

DID I EVER TELL YOU HOW MUCH I LOVE HOUSE?!?!?!?!?!?! The season premiere was last night and it was fucking amazing. I remembered just how much I love house and just how much of a byronic hero he is. For those of you who don't know that literary term, I will lay it out for you.

A byronic hero is an antihero who is a romanticized but wicked character. Conventionally this is a young and attractive figgure, (I think this means that it is someone who the girls are all chasing after, and though house is getting up there, he has no trouble with the ladies, so I am willing to overlook his not fitting into this category) with a bad reputation. He defies authority and conventional morality, and becomes paridoxically enobled by this particular rejection of virtue.

If you compare Hugh Laurie's character to these standards you will find that he is most deffinately suited to win an award for his Byron-like characteristics. Last nights show was extremely dramatic, and had my friends and I all at the edge of our seats. The surprizing yet happy ending makes us all the more excited for the next episode. I am disappointed that I missed Big Bang Theory, as that show gives me my laughs for the whole week, but I think I can find it online so I am not too disappointed in my choice to miss the episode in exchange for the drama presented by the producer's of House.

I love the very early morning, you know, from about 4AM to 6AM, when its still pitch black out, and the stars shine their brightest. It's so pretty, and everything is so quiet. Like the whole world is finally at peace. I can imagine it will be this quiet after the coming, but it won't be as beautiful. It is mornings like this that make me believe in the power of God.

Anger is Hurt that you are too hurt to admit. -Jillian D.

I am so fucking angry right now, but I know that deep down it isn't anger, it's pain. I am hurt. I am hurting, bad. I know I shouldn't be, but I am. I woke up in a great mood today and it has only gone downhill since then. It didn't get better until I talked to one of my besties, and she reminded me that eventually I will be past this point in my life, and I will find that one guy who can sweep me away with just a glance. Who isn't afraid to kiss me in public, and twirl me around when I hug him. But until that day I have allot of time to find myself.

I know that this isn't permanent, I don't want it to be, but sometimes I just get jealous of all those people who have found what they want and are living a happy and secure life. While I am stuck in this limbo, between life, love, and time.

It might have something to do with the fact that one of my good friends has been put into the mothering position, ready or not. I am in no way advocating teenage pregnancy, or looking to get prego, but I feel like I am behind the ball, but then I remember that I don't care what others are doing, I need to do this for myself, not for someone else.


I have never felt so much like my own person, but at the same time I feel as if I am not a person yet, but a child still finding herself. I guess I will feel like that for a long time though, life has no constants. I will always be changing, and I am always searching for that one person who will find me and change with me as we move through life.

relief is a great emotion, way underrated.

I found out what was bothering me, and now that I have fixed the issue, I can move on to more important things in my life, like school. Seeing as I have 2 exams this week and I have yet to begin studing for either, I am feeling like a slacker. But now that my social drama is being controlled, I can get enough sleep to focus on the task at hand.

hopefully I will get it all done, but who knows better than me that I work well under pressure? I know I will get everything done, if I have to stay up all night to do it.

I have been listening to my inspiration all day. Music of course. Paramore drives me to succeed in the face of social challenges. Journey reminds me that love isn't just a word you say, and John Mayer gets credit for making me appreciate my family and friends every day of my life. Without them I wouldn't be in the place that I am today. I would still be that shy little girl you met all those years ago, smiling but silent. Watching and learning from those around her not daring to make a mistake. But I have learned. I now have proof that everyone makes mistakes, no one is exempt. So rather than spend my life trying to avoid making mistakes, I have decided to embrace life, take the bull by the horns, and hold on for the ride. I may come out with some scratches, but its better to make a difference in the world and receive some critisism than not to have made a difference at all and come out pristine.

Sitting in a room, made up of only big white walls.

It is 1:18AM, I know because I have been staring at the clock for the past 20 minutes, ignoring both my computer and the T.V. I don't know what is wrong with me right now, but what ever it is, it best be gone by tomorrow. This whole turn I am taking in my life, where I don't give a shit about anyone elses opinions, seems to have me rattled. Maybe I am nervous about having strayed from my norm, but I know that it was the best decision for me at the moment.

I went snooping again, I really should stop, but it is so attractive, like a magnet. Like my bestie says "I have a loser magnet in my vagina" I say "I cant stand not knowing". I have to find out everything I can about people, which with the aid of certain social networking sites, is quite simple. However I never leave with the answers I want. Why is it that I can never get what I want? Wait, now that I think about it, I don't really know what I want yet. *sigh* This soul searching shit is hard work.

Here is where my self therapy comes in..... anyone who knows me can tell that I am a music junkie. I listen to anything and everything. Well, almost, there are some exceptions which I wont list here. Music is an art form, one that has as much depth as literature, with the color spectrum of a beautiful painting. As Paramore says "Somehow, every thing's gonna fall into place, if only we had a way to make it fall faster everyday. " then again, life isn't about your destination, it's about the trip.

So, even though I do not know what I want, and I feel like a bug under a microscope, I know that eventually life is going to end and all that will be left is the kingdom. So I should stop being worried about the past, or other people and be concerned with myself. So even though I am stuck I my room, with its' white walls, I am not trapped in it anymore, now if I can just push myself out the door.

Why I am not doing what I supposed to........

In Short, I hate getting up early. I cant stand hearing my alarm go off everymorning, tearing me away from whatever amazing dream I was having til I was so rudely interupted.

I have a theory, because our bodies operate on sleep cycles, I think that the reason we sometimes wake up in a good mood, but other times we are like deadly fire-breathing dragons, is that when we are pulled out of a higher level of sleep, like levels one or two, we are closer to being awake so it is not as big of a deal for our bodies to adjust, however when we are torn out of levels three, four, or the REM cycle, we have a harder time adjusting. Those are the days when we seem disoriented, unhappy, grouchy, yawny, etc.

I think today I was woken from one of the deeper cycles, cause i am a total bitch so far, and it's only 8:31 AM. *sigh* i have a general Chem one lab in 29 minutes, i really should be getting dressed now, but I'll be damned if you can make me want to go.

more on my bitchiness later, I will catch yall on the flip side!

Life Goal Not Complete

I just want say, journals aren't for me. I forget about them, or lose too much time on the internet or in classes to write in them. But I don't view this as journaling. This is a voueurs exhibition of her soul. Wait. I know what that sounds like, and your wrong. This is more than a kinky version of disecting a cadaver. This is me bearing my soul to the world, for everyone who looks to see the real me.

I know this is short, but I will be back soon. :D